The recent M-Net documentary ‘School Ties’ has had a significant impact on viewers, raising important and difficult topics related to grooming and abuse in some of South Africa’s schools. In this newsletter, we aim to unpack these issues to raise awareness.

The documentary involved working sensitively with families who agreed to share their experiences. Tragically, two of these families lost their sons to suicide, and by sharing their stories, they hope to prevent such tragedies from happening again.

Grooming: This is the process by which a sexual predator gains the trust of a child or their family to start sexually exploiting the child in secret.1

The 4-part series focuses on interviews with child protection experts to help parents identify signs of sexual abuse. The docuseries further unpacks how some institutions inadvertently enabled these behaviours, and the team speaks to law enforcement individuals involved in investigating abuse that occurs at schools across the country.

The perpetrators of abuse and the stages of grooming2



Perpetrators can be charming and likeable, often holding positions of responsibility, respect, and power. They use their influence to include children in desirable teams and activities, holding sway over aspects of their lives that feel crucial to them. Perpetrators groom the authorities, the parents, and the children, thereby gaining the trust of all connected to the person being groomed.

They employ favouritism, playing on the human need to belong and feel important and special. They may try to find ‘currency’ with a child. Elite athletes, for example, are driven and want to achieve in their chosen field. The groomer uses this currency to break down boundaries that would usually exist.

They isolate the child and start to introduce boundary and taboo violations. These are things that children are not allowed to do with their parents/guardians, for example, smoking or drinking. These violations become a secret between the person being groomed and the groomer. The groomer then starts to test physical boundaries. The trusted adult then starts sexually abusing the child. Finally, the groomer maintains control by using secrecy, blame, gaslighting and threats of exposure.

Gaslighting: ‘A form of emotional abuse that makes you question your beliefs and perception of reality.3 Gaslighting is used to maintain control and try to change the perception of reality. Typical things that might be said are, “You are being so sensitive”; “That never happened and you have a terrible memory”; “You are crazy and people will never believe you.”’ 

Complexity for the child

Grooming is a profound betrayal, compounded by manipulative messages like, ‘You can stop this anytime you want’ and ‘No one will believe you.’ Children may feel complicit because they have a normal adult-child relationship and then, the trusted adult starts grooming them, making the violation even more traumatic.

Complexity for the parents

It is difficult for anyone to comprehend that someone in a position of care could have a detrimental impact on a child’s life. Additionally, if a child starts to demonstrate problematic behaviour, it can be challenging for parents to distinguish between an actual problem and typical teenage moodiness or hormonal changes.

Understanding a perpetrator’s mindset

In the documentary, we learn about the minds of perpetrators. While it is difficult to comprehend that there are people in the world who would want to take advantage of children, we need to understand their mindset to prevent enabling their behaviour and to protect children effectively.

Perpetrators have a motive to abuse young people, often driven by a sexual attraction to minors. They have internal inhibitors, the knowledge that their actions are wrong, but they work to overcome these and proceed anyway. Then, there are the external inhibitors such as societal and institutional barriers that they work to overcome. We need to ensure that our systems hold them accountable.

What can schools do to protect those in their care?

Schools can take some logical steps to make sure that they create safe spaces for children and young people, spaces where perpetrators are simply unable to operate.

  1. Legal obligation to report grooming: Ensure that teachers are provided with training and understand their legal obligation to report any purposeful disclosure of grooming by a scholar, as well as any grooming of which they are aware or which they suspect may be taking place.
  2. Legal obligation to maintain a professional educator-learner relationship: The Employment of Educators Act as well as the South African Council of Educators (SACE) Code of Ethics makes it clear that no sexual relationships, even if the child is over the age of consent, are allowed between learners and educators. It is the educator’s job to maintain the professional boundary.

Onboarding legal requirements: It has been a legal requirement (since 2015) to complete the following three checks for all those who work with children:

  1. Police clearance. A once-off police clearance is needed as many educators were working before the new legislation in 2015 and would not appear on the registers.
  2. Those who work with children need to be cleared against the Sex Offender Register which is managed by the Department of Justice.
  3. Finally, they need to be cleared against the Child Protection Register. This register documents those unsuitable to work with children and is managed by the Department of Social Development.

    (The police clearance certificate is a once-off requirement while the registers need to be re-checked every two years.) 
  4. Performance/disciplinary process: There needs to be a clear performance/disciplinary process in place that does not allow for staff to resign under suspicion. This impacts current employment, future employment and SACE registration as the disciplinary process should be mirrored by an external SACE investigation that happens in parallel. It is worth noting that not all coaches are registered with SACE.
  5. Guidelines for one-to-one interactions: Ensure meetings with individual students are conducted in open or visible spaces and avoid closed-door sessions.
  6. Communication policies: Safe spaces must extend to the online environment. Avoid using unmonitored platforms, such as WhatsApp, for messaging students.
  7. Increased Awareness: Equip children and young people with the knowledge and language to speak up about anything that makes them uncomfortable. Understanding what grooming is empowers both children and adults to take action.

The code of silence 

Cultures of silence, perfectionism and excessive loyalty, where individuals feel privileged to be part of the community may discourage speaking out, as it could jeopardise one’s place and status within the community. Central to this silence is the emphasis on strength and endurance, creating a stigma around reporting abuse as it might be seen as weakness or betrayal. The added stigma surrounding male sexual abuse amplifies the difficulty for boys to come forward, grappling with shame, confusion and questions about their identity and sexuality. As parents and educators, we can help shift the narrative from protecting the institution to safeguarding the children within it.

Abuse in impoverished communities 

In the documentary, Childline South Africa CEO, Dumisile Nala, makes a point about abuse in impoverished communities. Abuse takes place in these communities too. When there is an incident, it is often violent and, as a result, visible. Authorities are notified. In more affluent communities, it has been noted that the abuse is often more subtle, insidious and takes place over time.

Convictions and the law 

Many factors make convictions of grooming and sexual abuse extremely difficult. One difficulty that arises is that a child will have to tell their story numerous times. Each re-telling is a re-traumatisation. For this reason, many cases go unreported or are dropped. In the documentary, it is noted that there needs to be a better way of dealing with these cases so that children’s well-being is prioritised and perpetrators are convicted.

The trauma of disclosure 

The documentary clearly shows that disclosing abuse often brings new trauma to the children involved. For some, keeping silent was a form of protection. Voicing the abuse made it real to everyone. Others were made to feel like enemies of the school. Despite knowing they had done the right thing and were protecting other children, the trauma of disclosure was significant.

Operation Nemo 

Operation Nemo is a specialised police investigation into sports coaches targeting vulnerable students. It is encouraging to see that this work is underway. However, it is also important that parents and educators recognise red flags and understand the signs of grooming and abuse.

Teacher tips for facilitating content on grooming: 

  • Understand your legal obligations to report grooming (in terms of the Children’s Act, the Sexual Offences Act, the Employment of Educators Act and the SACE Act) and familiarise yourself with any additional school policies.
  • Give students advance notice about the upcoming content. Use a trigger warning to inform them that the topic may be sensitive or distressing.
  • Set clear objectives for the lesson. For example, the Achieve Careers content focuses on understanding the law, terminology, and recognising appropriate and inappropriate behaviour.
  • Clarify the scope of the lesson. Emphasise that the lesson is educational and not a substitute for individual therapy or counselling.
  • Inform the school counsellor about the upcoming lesson on grooming so that they are aware that this content is being discussed.

The documentary aims to bring solutions and interventions to safeguard learners into focus. May the heart-breaking stories shared not go unheard and may we learn from them to protect our children.

The M-Net series:bit.ly/BreakingCodeSilence

Carte Blanche podcast about the series:bit.ly/BreakingCodeSilenceYT

If you have been affected by any of the issues discussed and need to seek help, you can call:


  • Childline on their toll-free helpline: 116
  • Suicide crisis hotline: 0800 567 567
  • To report a crime to SAPS: 08600 10111

References:
This newsletter is based on the M-Net documentary ‘School Ties’.
School Ties. M-Net, Idea Candy, 2024.



Other references:

  • Morton, K. (2017) ‘What are the Seven Signs of Grooming by a Sexual Predator’ [Online], Available: bit.ly/SignsGrooming [14 Jun 2024].
  • Welner, M. ‘Child Sexual Abuse: 6 Stages of Grooming’, Oprah.com [Electronic], Available: bit.ly/GroomingStages [14 Jun 2024].
  • Morris, S. Y. & Raypole, C. (2021) ‘How to Recognise Gaslighting and Get Help’, Healthline, [Electronic], 24 Nov, Available: bit.ly/GaslightingHelp [14 Jun 2024].

If you are using the Achieve Careers English LO Programme, the following information and activities are recommended:

  • GR 10 LO Manual – Module 4 – pp. 68–70 (Grooming and Sexual Abuse)
  • Friendship Day: GR 8 LO Manual – Module 3 (Relationships) and GR 11 LO Manual – Module 1 (Interpersonal Skills & EQ)
  • Plastic-free July: GR 9 LO Manual – Module 3 (Community Responsibility)
  • Teacher’s Flash Drive – LO Resources – folder on Grooming

If you are using the Achieve Careers LO Programme, the following information and activities are recommended:

• GR 10 LO Manual – Module 3 (Skills Development)
• GR 10 LO Manual – Module 5 (Career Research)
• GR 11 LO Manual – Module 4 & 5 (Career Research & Critical Thinking)
• RAK: GR 9 LO Manual – Module 3 (Community Responsibility)
• Social Justice: GR 10 LO Manual – Module 2 (Community Service)
• Suicide Prevention: GR 9 LO Manual – Module 2 (EQ: Mental Health and Mindfulness)
• Teacher’s Flash Drive – LO Resources – folder on Careers and Critical Thinking

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